The Legend of the Soulless Ginger



They walk the earth with hair more red than Arsene Wenger’s face when Arsenal lost to Bradford, and skin so white it glows in the dark. They say each freckle upon their face represents another soul they’ve taken. At 1-2% of the world’s population, and 0% of the souls, Gingers are found in every race, sprouting up like carrot tops across the globe, but at what point did Gingers turn into soulless rejects of society?

Well, let us first look back at the Romans. As they stormed across the kingdoms of every nation they ultimately found themselves at the Ginger Mecca, where the red head gene is still carried by half of the population, the British Isles. As they came ashore they found themselves under attack by naked men, painted blue, with fiery red hair, and a reckless disregard for their own being. The “Red Army” was eventually overcome and the Roman conquered all. Anyways, this was the beginning of what has become “gingerism”: a prejudice against red heads (really exists).

Flash forward to the medieval times where King Arthur and his merry men of Monty Python once galloped. It was an era of extreme superstition, and the birth of the legend of a soulless ginger…. With pale skin, and no sun screen, the red heads were easily burned by the sun, some even spontaneously bursting into flames (not really). The combo of staying indoors and hair that looks like fire gave Gingers the reputation of being Vampires, witches, or any other overall beastly creature used to scare children. And like that, it has stuck for generations… passed down through tales of bloodsucking soulless gingers, magic witches or warlocks, leprechauns with fangs. Exploding modern day thanks to South Park

But today, the pure blood line of gingers dwindling and the lines between all races being blurred… yet a few “SuperGingers” still slip into society such as;

Chuck Norris:


When chuck Norris does push-ups, he actually pushes the world down

I heard he once round housed a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels

Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together

A police officer once pulled chuck norris over..the cop got away with a warning.

Paul Scholes:

Alexi Lalas:

Absolutely no one I have ever met enjoys this red headed “Serie A” superstar

Queen Elizabeth the 1st:


Last monarch of the Tudor line, founder of what became the Church of England, and a full blown Ginger

Finally, the person where my own Gingerosophy came from….my teammate and roommate:

Will Monsour.

Super athlete and freckled phenomenon, he was last year’s leading scorer for National Champion Belhaven University and All American.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s